How to Transition Your Social Activity and Maintain Emotional Health in Retirement
The following is adapted from Retiring?
Ready to retire? First of all, congratulations! Assuming you’ve figured out the finances and how you plan to spend most of your free time, you’re about to embark on what could be the most satisfying chapter of your life.
To really get the most out of that time, however, you need to consider something that a lot of retirees don’t factor into the equation: how to manage your social and emotional health.
For most people who have spent thirty or forty years in the working world, socializing isn’t a problem. We go to company outings and spend time after work with colleagues.
When you retire, however, those things might change, because you’re no longer going to work every day. Sure, you could maintain friendships with ex co-workers. But sometimes people find they grow apart without that common bond of what’s happening in the workplace.
You’ll need to know how to transition your social activity from one that revolves around your career to something outside of the workplace. Maintaining your emotional health in this way is a key factor to enjoying retirement to its fullest, and that’s not an opinion; it’s a fact. Studies have been done to prove it.
“Socially active individuals also enjoy better overall mental health, particularly in the area of decreased instances of depression.”
Research Agrees
Research reveals that people with an active social life tend to receive a variety of benefits. First and foremost, they live longer, even after accounting for overall health. A big reason for this might be that they also have stronger immune systems, meaning they fight off colds, flus, and other illnesses more easily. Socially active individuals also enjoy better overall mental health, particularly in the area of decreased instances of depression. Lastly, these folks also perform better in testing for memory and cognitive function.
The Mayo Clinic’s work confirms that good friends are good for your health. That’s consistent with common sense. Friends help you celebrate good times and provide support during bad times. Their research suggests that trustworthy relationships can help to stave off loneliness and give you a chance to offer companionship that makes you feel valued and appreciated. In that sense, companionship is a two-way street with a win-win direction in both ways.
Finding a New Rhythm
So, now the doubt should be gone about the necessity to maintain social and emotional health in retirement. The next step is to ensure a smooth transition.
When you retire, you leave the relationships, satisfactions, and support systems you experienced in your work life. You might discover that you no longer have anything in common with the people you worked with, and your children will be grown up, so any friendships with their parents may be gone as well. The nature of these things brings about an emotional shift.
To find a new rhythm for your life, here are some questions to consider:
What are your key relationships now?
What relationships do you expect to be the most important after retirement?
Which relationships are the most challenging, and which need strengthening?
Are there aspects of your emotional intelligence you wish to strengthen?
How could your networking talents transfer into retirement?
Working through these questions yields a relationship to-do list.
Your Relationship To-Do List—Urgent, Important, or Both
Personal relationships are complex and difficult to change. As you build your list, make notes about whether the need is urgent, important, or both. You may find you want to add another criterion: uncomfortable.
For many, the toughest work in retirement is examining these especially personal areas. You may find your partner or a close friend could help you with this. However, you may find it helpful to consider professional assistance. No, you don’t necessarily “need to see a shrink,” but the skilled outside voice of a therapist can ease this task.
A qualified therapist’s goal is to help you make decisions and clarify feelings in order to solve problems. Retirement is a big change, so it’s completely understandable to seek the assistance of a counselor to help you take this big step in the right direction.
Consider all your relationships as you go through this process. Some will become closer, and some will become more distant. Your responsibility is to consider what you want. Perhaps you want more time with certain friends or to reconnect with someone you care about. In some cases, this requires a frank discussion with yourself about how your relationships currently function and how—and why—you want them to change.
The Good and the Bad of Technology for Social Needs
Technology can be of great assistance in maintaining relationships...to some extent. Tools like Zoom and Facetime have made it easy to see the friendly faces of family and other people closest to you. Texting is great for quick engagement, so is the good old fashioned phone-call. However, there is one thing to keep in mind with all this technological assistance at your fingertips.
A word of caution. Social media can help you stay in touch, but it’s no substitute for human contact. It’s still extremely important to get outside of your home and experience life.
Making the Transition
Transitioning your social activity from one that largely depends on your career to one that focuses on the people who are most important to you is a challenging task. But, it’s a necessary step to take. If you’re prepared, ask the right questions, and dedicate your honest desire to maintain your emotional health, you’ll enjoy a happy, satisfying, and fulfilling retirement.
With the right approach, you’re likely to discover that the new social life you have is far better than the one you kept during all those working years.
For more advice on social and emotional health in retirement, you can find Retiring? on Amazon.
Ted Kaufman is the former U.S. Senator from Delaware succeeding Senator Joseph Biden. Ted was Biden’s Chief of Staff for nineteen years and led his presidential transition planning in 2020. He taught at Duke Law School for twenty-six years. At 81, he and his wife, Lynne, celebrate their 61st anniversary this year. Bruce Hiland’s career included McKinsey, more than four years as Chief Administrative Officer at Time Inc., twenty years of independent consulting, and four startups. Now 80, he and Ginny, married fifty-seven years, are enjoying their family, dealing with aging, and harvesting the fruits of their labor.